Bonjour! (Translation: Hello!) My name is Billy and I recently traveled around the beautiful country of France with my beautiful French boyfriend Luca. Here is a picture of us…
While I was abroad, I had so many opportunities to discover myself, to learn and grow as an artist, to foster healthy emotional habits in my relationship, and to get as many instagram likes as possible.
See, one of the beauties of traveling abroad is that you can get a TON of likes! Way more than your average everyday gym selfie.
Therefore, it is only right that you take advantage of that glitch in the matrix and post as many bomb ass photos as possible.
Now, you may be asking yourself, what if I don’t know how to take a bomb ass photo?
Well, let me save you the $200,000 you would have spent at art school, and I will impart some of my wisdom onto you.
- Get on that iPhone 7 ish. I know that sounds incredibly materialistic and petty, but I guarantee it will change your picture taking game a thousand fold. Look at the difference between an iPhone 6 photo and an iPhone 7…
It’s unreal. Your selfies will go from a 7 to a 10. Your landscapes will bring Monet to tears. And don’t even get me started on Portrait Mode. I know some of you out there are ballin’ on a budget, and that’s fine, but with the iPhone 8 coming out, the iPhone 7 will drop in price, and so now is your time! Our scientists have determined an almost 20-25 like increase will occur when you make the switch.
- Stay away from cliches. This tip is pretty broad and could be interpreted in a few different ways. Basically what I mean by this is don’t be basic! For example, there are 90 billion pictures of the Louvre out there. Anyone can go to Google type in “Louvre” and get fifty better versions of a photo you will spend 20 minutes climbing onto a traffic bollard to take. So why not have some fun and explore your inner Warhol? Instead of putting the subject of your photo in the center, why not push it off to the side, or take the picture from a cool angle like this…
It will give people a new perspective of the thing they have probably seen a thousand times, and may even land you in MOMA one day. Also, avoid doing the “I’m a comedian” pictures. You know, the ones where it looks like you are holding the Eiffel Tower or leaning on the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Instead, pretend that it’s your penis, or your licking a giant ice cream cone! I don’t know, get creative!
- Do not post 800 photos in one day. It is super great that you get the opportunity to explore the world, and I’m sure your followers love it too! However, no one loves it when you blow up their instagram feed, unless you are Rihanna. It is almost like bragging, and people get bored of seeing your face, no matter how beautiful you may be. Instead, take advantage of the instagram feature that allows you to post multiple photos at once. Come up with a theme for the post, like “My day in Lyon” and post the highlights of the photos you took that day. That way, you don’t have to settle for just one photo, and you are not polluting people’s feeds.
- Take advantage of your significant other. This one is for all you couples out there. People love love. They like to be in it, they like to talk about it, and they like to like it on instagram. Especially if you are a gay couple, you can get some serious likes from a well angled kiss picture and the #gay. So play it up! Even if you are angry at each other because one of you has a sore throat and doesn’t want to climb to the top of Notre Dame, and it’s the only time you’ll be able to do it and you’d been planning it for a week (*cough* Luca *cough*). Take a minute, remember why you love them, and ask a nice looking tourist to take that model photo of you two. Not only will you rack up those likes, but you’ll have a nice photo of the two of you your progressive Mom can use as her phone background.
- Take advantage of selfie power. This one is for all you singles out there. Maybe you haven’t found the right one yet, or maybe you went through a breakup and this is your “Eat, Pray, Love” trip. Whatever the reason, you can still get hella likes with the right selfie. Before you travel that day, practice taking some selfies in your room. Find your angle, find your light, find your Tyra Banks. That way, when you are out and about and ready for a selfie, you don’t have to do a thousand takes and feel all self-conscious. You’ll be prepared and fabulous. Maybe modeling is not your thing? That’s okay! Take a funny selfie instead! Find a painting that looks like you and make the same face, find a sign that says “no smoking” and pretend you’re on fire, whatever you decide, just, as RuPaul Charles says, “make me laugh!”
- NO FOOD PICTURES! Do NOT take pictures of your food! No! Don’t do it! For god’s sake NO! No one wants to see a picture of your spaghetti, no matter how beautiful it may be! People follow your instagram to see you, so give them you!
That is all the tips I have for now! Don’t forget to always geotag and hashtag your pictures, that way when people search that location you will pop up!